I'm Still Alive - Part 2

Credit: Some Bloodborne meme I found relatable on Pinterest, 2026

Hi, everyone ✌️

I won't lie, I didn't realize that the last "I'm Still Alive" blog post was written well over six months ago. But, I wanted to check in a month after the new year started, and just be transparent.

Last time, I stated how crazy life has been, and honestly it's been cataclysmic since then. I've lost some dear friendships, I was diagnosed with an Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease (UCTD), and I am trying to sue a government entity that masquerades as a public corporation. I've seen a lot behind the curtain this year as far as the nation, social standards, and how corrupt our corporations can truly be. Honestly, if I wasn't so damn determined, I'd probably say my life has been ruined. I'm not going to sugarcoat things, life isn't moving as fast as I want it to. I was supposed to finish my book last year. I was supposed to gain momentum through streaming and blogging. I have so much in my head that I want to explore and share with the world, and all I did last year was learn to be ashamed of being a disabled woman in America.

Well, despite learning that lesson, I refuse to be ashamed. I never wanted to bring politics into my form of entertainment, but honestly, I'm furious.

I'm furious to see how the systems treat ordinary people. I'm furious to watch people I love struggle to exist just because the world never had their best interest. And despite being so soft-spoken, this year, I want to make noise.

I'm done with being chronically gaslit for being difficult and crazy, when all I'm trying to do is fight for my life, for my family, and for my house. I've always told myself that every delay and obstacle that keeps me from my book is just an outline for a chapter I'm meant to write. The Bearer of Bad News has always, at its core, been about standing up for yourself, and standing up for others. I don't know what will happen to my book and how much it will sell, but I do know that I want to learn from my own story. I don't want to bite my tongue. I want to share on every page how I've bled this year, in hopes that every reader can heal. My favorite video game of all time is Bloodborne. And not a day goes by where I don't relate to the protagonist. There's always a new boss fight. There's always a fellow hunter that views me as a threat. There's always an inanimate object that I interact with while I complain about my back pain. The Good Hunter will always be a character near and dear to my heart. And every day when I wake up, I aspire to be them.

That being said, despite the chronic fatigue, and fingers that ache when typing, I want to be a "Good Hunter" for all of you, fighting bigger fights for others because I just refuse to back down. And honestly, if Markiplier can self-finance his own box office movie, then I think I can cause a few tremors with my words.

Thank you for your patience and your continued support. I'm not sure how active I'll be going forward, but just know that in my silence, I'm just fighting the good fight.

You are all my guiding moonlight.