I'm Still Alive

Meme by KC Green, originally published in the webcomic Gunshow (2013).

Ho-ly.

Hi, guys.

For some of you, I’ve only been MIA for a few weeks—maybe a month.

For most of you, it’s been years.

And I’d love to get into the nitty gritty of it all, because everyone who continued to support me and Paul definitely deserves an update.

So I’ll begin where it all ended.

In 2021, Paul and I took a big step forward in our adult lives—we finally became independent. Unfortunately, my part-time job at the time wouldn’t have been enough to sustain us, so I shifted into full-time work. It… didn’t go well. The job and I were a really, really bad mix—but I stuck it out for four years.

During that time, I was approached by someone who believed in our book, The Bearer of Bad News. If you’ve read it—maybe you liked it. If so, thank you! But you probably noticed how unpolished it is. This incredible person saw the potential, and we’ve spent the last couple of years working to get it ready for major publishing. That’s why there’s been almost zero activity on our Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook pages. I’d been hoping my next post would be to announce a release date.

But unfortunately, life had other plans.

Trying to balance being a wife, working full-time, and chasing my dream was impossible. I pushed, and pushed… until I broke. I found myself unable to manage finances. I’ve been stressed for so long that I now have to manually relax my body just to function. I struggled with work, my mental health, and—most painfully—Paul and I lost a child during this time. I was a minor suicide risk for years. But I didn’t want to die.

In October, I finally got some answers. I already knew I had ADHD, but it turned out I’d also been living my entire life with undiagnosed OCD. And if you know what that’s like, you know how brutal the day-to-day can be. With both ADHD and OCD, I was dealing with executive dysfunction at a level I didn’t even realize. I’ve been trying to mine diamonds with a wooden pickaxe—and blaming myself for not digging fast enough.

So I made the difficult, terrifying choice to walk away from full-time work and enter intensive therapy. I finished the program in January, and for the first time in my life, I feel like my brain is mine.

After that, I finally made real progress on the book. I gained momentum and nearly hit the halfway point in revisions.

Then 2025 hit me like a boss fight with no save point.

And what follows may sound like a joke, but it’s all true:

1. A pipe burst in our home, flooding the storage area and destroying all my keepsakes.

2. We couldn’t use our water for a week because it made the leak worse.

3. When we finally got the water back on, the AC broke.

4. We dealt with painful family drama.

5. My unemployment claim was denied.

6. My disability application went unanswered for weeks—lawyers kept turning me down.

7. A miscommunication with the mortgage company led to a major escalation when they refused to believe me, despite their own documents backing me up.

8. My hamster died.

9. I applied for 20+ part-time writing jobs. Nothing.

10. My grandfather was hospitalized and is currently on his deathbed. As I write this, I could get the call at any minute.

I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m going to do financially. And to top it all off? This all started March 29, 2025. It hasn’t even been that long.

But here’s the part that matters:

I think things might finally be slowing down. I’m hopeful again. And I swear I will finish this draft before the end of the year. I’ve never been more excited about this story. The revisions have made it stronger, deeper, truer. Every challenge, every delay—none of it was wasted. It made the story better. It made me better.

To everyone who checked in, who stuck around, who still believed in me:

Thank you. You have no idea how much that means. Your patience, your support—it’s carried me in ways I can’t describe. I hope one day I can return the favor.

Over the next little while, you’ll notice some rebranding.

Because honestly? I’ve run out of options.

So I’m making the executive decision to be myself for a living.

My goal is to post a couple of blog entries each week and stream once a week. I’ll sprinkle in life updates like this when I can—but I’m done putting myself on the back burner.

I have dreams to shape and universes to mold.

I want to create stories that aren’t just “good”—I want them to haunt you.

I want moments that live in your brain rent-free.

I want you to feel the art, the words, the music—all converging into something so right that it gives you chills every time you remember it.

As the first stanza of “Ode” says:

“We are the music makers,

And we are the dreamers of dreams,

Wandering by lone sea-breakers,

And sitting by desolate streams;

World-losers and world-forsakers,

On whom the pale moon gleams:

Yet we are the movers and shakers

Of the world for ever, it seems.”

—Arthur O’Shaughnessy

The world has grown scarier with age. But I want to make better worlds.

Worlds where the monsters can be beaten.

Where love always wins.

Where someone finally hears the words they didn’t know they were missing.

So I’ll keep dreaming. I’ll keep making music.

And I’d love for you to come along for the ride.

Despite life’s bitterness, it’s meant to be savored.

But it’s us that make it sweeter.